Why your partner is physically present and emotionally absent?

You are in love with a man, or you are married to a man, 

who is physically present in the relationship but emotionally absent. 

He sits next to you, but he is always on his phone. 

His mind is always on his next meeting, his next deal, his next goal. 

You feel the disconnect. 

You keep thinking he doesn’t understand what’s happening, so you try to explain. 

You tell him you’re not asking for gifts or big gestures. 

You’re just asking for some time, some connection, some presence.

And the moment you say it, he reacts. He says he is doing everything for you. 

He says nothing is enough for you. 

He says this is how he was brought up. 

He tells you that you don’t understand the value of money.

And this becomes the pattern every time you bring up your needs.

What’s actually happening underneath all of this is that men like him usually carry deep father wounds.

 He grew up being ignored unless he achieved something.

 He learned that his worth depended on his performance.

If he didn’t accomplish enough, he was shamed. 

So he internalised that as a defect in himself. 

He never saw his father’s behaviour as the problem. 

He believed he was the problem. 

And now as an adult, he feels he has to earn love, earn approval, earn safety. 

He doesn’t know how to sit still without feeling worthless.

In your relationship, if you are someone who is codependent, or an over-empath, or someone who grew up being a parentified child, you will automatically take responsibility for his emptiness. 

You will try to love him harder. 

You will accommodate his emotional absence. 

You will give more and more, hoping it will heal something inside him. 

And sometimes it may look like it’s working for a moment, but it never lasts. 

Because that childhood pain is not yours to fix.

Unless he does his own inner work and learns to face the discomfort of feeling not good enough, nothing will shift. 

Unless he realises he is enough as he is and learns to be present without performing, you will keep getting drained. 

Your love cannot replace the work he needs to do inside himself.

You can tell him what’s happening.

You can express what you need. 

But if you step into the role of doing the emotional work for him, you will always feel like you’re falling short. 

Because his fight is not with you. 

His fight is with his father’s voice in his own mind. 

That battle started long before you came into his life. 

And you cannot make him whole. You cannot heal wounds that don’t belong to you.

This is why so many women feel unseen even in long-term relationships. 

Loving him will not fix this. 

Adjusting for him will not fix this. 

Pretending you don’t have needs will not fix this. His healing has to come from him.

Your role is to stay aware, stay grounded, and stay honest with yourself. 

You’re not responsible for filling the emptiness that was created long before you showed up. 

You’re responsible only for noticing when you’re giving too much, losing yourself, or carrying a weight that was never yours.

Dr Dhivya Pratheepa 

Helping women attract true love