What Shapes Who We Become? (Hint: It’s Not Just DNA)

 

If We All Have the Same Brain… Why Are We So Different?

So far, we’ve understood what the nervous system is. It’s like the software running your body and mind, right? But here’s something that always fascinates me:

We all have the same nervous system components—a brain, a spinal cord, an amygdala, a hippocampus…

Then why is Dhivya so different from Vidhya?
Why does Nithya react differently than, say, Meena?
We’re all human, built the same way on paper. But we are nothing alike in how we respond to life.

And this… is exactly what we’re diving into today.

A Chat That Sparked This Blog

Before writing this blog, I had a conversation with one of my friends about this very topic. I asked him what he thought makes people so different from one another.

He said something so simple, yet so deep:

“If I grew up with Hitler, I’d be one person. But if I grew up with Trump, I’d be a totally different person.”

And honestly? That nailed it.

Who we become is shaped by the environment we grow up in.

  • How our parents treated us

  • What our teachers said to us

  • How our friends reacted to us

  • Whether we felt safe, loved, or even… seen

These aren’t just memories. These are the building blocks of our nervous system.

So… When Does the Nervous System Actually Develop?



Here’s something mind-blowing:
Your nervous system isn’t fully developed when you’re born.

It starts forming in the third trimester of pregnancy, and then continues developing after birth—based on the signals your body and brain receive from the world around you.

There’s even a fancy word for it: Neuroception.

Neuroception is your body’s ability to detect safety or danger without conscious thought. It’s like a secret surveillance system your body uses 24/7.

Your Body Builds Itself Around Your Early Experiences

Let me break it down:

  • If a baby cries and someone picks them up with care, the world feels safe.

  • If no one comes when they cry, the world feels scary.

  • If they’re cold and no one warms them, that’s a signal: “Not safe.”

  • If they’re fed when hungry, safe.

  • If they’re ignored, overstimulated, or in pain? Unsafe.



These aren’t just random moments.
They are instructions to the nervous system about how to operate in the world.

Over time, these experiences mould the system—like wet clay on a potter’s wheel. Press here, it compresses. Let it expand, it widens. The final shape? That’s your unique nervous system.

So… What is a Regulated Nervous System, Anyway?

A regulated nervous system means:

  • You can face stress or challenges and come back to calm.

  • You don't stay stuck in “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” for too long.

  • You return to rest, digest, connect.

In other words—you can handle life, and your body knows when to relax.

An unregulated nervous system?

  • You overreact to small things

  • You shut down or freeze even when nothing’s “wrong”

  • You get stuck in survival mode—exhausted, anxious, or numb

It’s not because you’re weak.
It’s because your nervous system didn’t learn how to come back to safety.

But guess what?

The Best News: Your Nervous System is Malleable



Just like clay, it can be reshaped.
Even as an adult.
Even after years of stress or trauma.
With the right tools, safety, and support—you can regulate again.

And that’s what this blog series is all about.

Stay tuned, because in the next one, we’ll dive into what regulation actually feels like, how to notice your own patterns, and what it means to finally feel safe inside your own skin.

And if this sparked something in you—drop a comment, send me a message, or just pause for a moment to appreciate how incredible your body and brain really are.

You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.

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