How I broke my toxic communication pattern

How I Broke My Toxic Communication Pattern (And What It *Really* Felt Like)

Recently, I was talking to a friend,someone I’m not super close with.

I brought up something that happened a year ago, when he was a little rude to me.

Since he’s so friendly with me now, I thought I’d finally ask why he acted that way. I was genuinely curious and

expected a simple explanation.

But his answer was completely inconsistent with his past behavior.

Immediately, I felt that familiar urge. I had so many points to argue. I wanted to make him see how his story

didn't add up. I wanted to explain, correct, and get clarity—to straighten it all out.

But I didn't.

Because of past experiences, I’ve learned that when people don’t want to see the truth, they won’t. No amount of explaining will change that. So, for the first time, I just kept quiet.

On the outside, I was calm. But on the inside, I was intensely irritated. My mind was stuck in a loop, replaying the conversation and all the things I wanted to say.

Since the loop kept repeating, I even started questioning myself.

Why am I so irritated by such a small issue?
Why am I stuck on this when he is nobody to me?
Why am I still thinking about this useless topic?

That self-judgment was actually increasing the irritation.

Why did this happen? Why do I want to go back to someone who is nobody to me? Am I weak?

No. I was doing pattern interrupt. Thats why?

My old pattern was very clear. Whenever something felt unfair, I used to go back, explain, correct, ask for clarity, and try to straighten it out. That used to reduce the tension in my body, even if the final result wasn’t great. My brain had learned, “If I feel uncomfortable, I must over-explain.”

But now I am interrupting that behaviour.
I am stopping myself from doing what I used to do.

And because this is a new pattern, my brain got confused and irritated..

It was screaming, "We're uncomfortable! Do the thing! Explain!" But I wasn't complying.

That’s why the irritation felt so intense and why my thoughts were looping.

I have already changed my behaviour, but my brain is still building new neural pathways.

It’s constructing a new normal. And that process is always difficult.

This is the real, gritty work of breaking people-pleasing and over-explaining.

You have to understand that pattern interruption is *supposed* to be uncomfortable.

Your brain will throw confusion, irritation, and doubt at you when you start.

You won't believe how many times I had the urge to text him and launch into a long explanation, even

though he really isn't a significant person in my life.

But you must understand: this kind of irritation is temporary. It’s the friction of growth.

Once your system learns to sit with this discomfort to feel the urge but not act on it,

everything starts to fall back into place.

In fact, everything falls into a better place.

Dr Dhivya Pratheepa

Helping women attract true love