Notes from a Trauma Whisperer

You are in love with a man, or you are married to a man,  who is physically present in the relationship but emotionally absent.  He sits next to you, but he is always on his phone.  His mind is always on his next meeting, his next deal, his next goal.  You feel the disconnect.  You keep thinking he doesn’t understand what’s happening, so you try to explain.  You tell him you’re not asking for gifts or big gestures.  You’re just asking for some time, some connection, some presence. And the moment you say it, he reacts. He says he is doing everything for you.  He says nothing is enough for you.  He says this is how he was brought up.  He tells you that you don’t understand the value of money. And this becomes the pattern every time you bring up your needs. What’s actually happening underneath all of this is that men like him usually carry deep father wounds.  He grew up being ignored unless he achieved something.  He learned that...

How I Broke My Toxic Communication Pattern (And What It *Really* Felt Like) Recently, I was talking to a friend,someone I’m not super close with. I brought up something that happened a year ago, when he was a little rude to me. Since he’s so friendly with me now, I thought I’d finally ask why he acted that way. I was genuinely curious and expected a simple explanation. But his answer was completely inconsistent with his past behavior. Immediately, I felt that familiar urge. I had so many points to argue. I wanted to make him see how his story didn't add up. I wanted to explain, correct, and get clarity—to straighten it all out. But I didn't. Because of past experiences, I’ve learned that when people don’t want to see the truth, they won’t. No amount of explaining will change that. So, for the first time, I just kept quiet. On the outside, I was calm. But on the inside, I was intensely irritated. My mind was stuck in a loop, replaying the conversation and all the things I wanted...

  Why a Narcissist Refuses to Travel with the Group I noticed something recently.  We had a plan to travel together in a van. A big group. Around fifteen to twenty people.  Everyone was excited. Except one person. He immediately said no. He wanted to come in a separate car. At first it looks harmless. Just a preference. But when you understand narcissistic patterns, this behaviour makes perfect sense.