What Happens in a Narcissist’s Head When You Don’t Chase


A client of mine recently had this experience:

She asked a man in her circle (who happens to be a narcissist and her friend before now discarded) for some help with office work. He helped, she thanked him, and later sent a polite follow-up message about the task.

His response? “I’ll call you.”

But he never did.

The twist? She didn’t chase. She didn’t wait. She simply carried on with her work and got it done through someone else.

What looks like a simple story is actually a masterclass in narcissistic psychology. Let’s walk into his head for a moment.

The Narcissist’s Inner Monologue

Phase 1: Denial and Rationalization

  • “She was obviously happy that I helped.” (ignoring her cool demeanor)

  • “She texted me she still needs me.” (ignoring the fact it was work-related)

  • “I didn’t call because I’m busy/important.” (turning his failed tactic into proof of his value)

  • “She’s playing hard to get.” (protecting his ego with the illusion of control)

Phase 2: Cognitive Dissonance and Frustration

  • “Wait… she didn’t call back? That’s not right.”

  • “She got the work done with someone else? Am I being replaced?”

  • “I helped her. Why is she disrespecting me? 

  • This is where narcissistic rage starts brewing because his entitlement (“I did something nice, now reward me”) wasn’t met.

Phase 3: Planning the Next Move

  • Option A: Escalation (Hoover). “The subtle withdrawal didn’t work. Next time, I’ll try a bigger move may be a dramatic apology, or charm her with extra sweetness.”

  • Option B: Devaluation/Smear. “She’s cold and ungrateful. I never liked her anyway. I’ll just tell people she’s rude.”

The Psychology:
This is the cycle in action. Narcissists don’t process rejection like healthy people. Your indifference is not just silence  it’s a mirror showing them their lack of power. That’s intolerable.

And here’s the key:
Your friend didn’t just “ignore” him. She robbed him of supply. She proved she doesn’t need his control, and that’s the only thing he was chasing.


A narcissist’s desperation is not about you.
It’s about their ego screaming for survival.

When you stop feeding it — with attention, explanations, or emotional reactions — they’re left scrambling, re-strategizing, or smearing.

The best part? You don’t need to play the game.
Indifference is the strongest boundary of all.


Dr Dhivya Pratheepa
Somatic Trauma Informed Abuse Recovery Coach

Helping women attract true love 

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