Notes from a Trauma Whisperer

A client of mine recently had this experience: She asked a man in her circle (who happens to be a narcissist and her friend before now discarded) for some help with office work. He helped, she thanked him, and later sent a polite follow-up message about the task. His response? “I’ll call you.” But he never did. The twist? She didn’t chase. She didn’t wait. She simply carried on with her work and got it done through someone else. What looks like a simple story is actually a masterclass in narcissistic psychology . Let’s walk into his head for a moment. The Narcissist’s Inner Monologue Phase 1: Denial and Rationalization “She was obviously happy that I helped.” (ignoring her cool demeanor) “She texted me she still needs me.” (ignoring the fact it was work-related) “I didn’t call because I’m busy/important.” (turning his failed tactic into proof of his value) “She’s playing hard to get.” (protecting his ego with the illusion of control) Phase 2: Cognitive Disso...

A client of mine recently set strong boundaries with a narcissistic man in her circle. At first, he tried to act pleasant. A quick “hi” here and there. Small attempts to stay connected. Nothing dramatic. Then one day, it was raining. He offered her a lift home in his car. She accepted, because she knew her boundaries... she wasn’t emotionally invested, and she trusted herself not to give way. Afterwards, she politely thanked him and followed up with a casual office-related text. His response? “I’ll call you.” But he never did. She wasn’t bothered.

  Recently, I observed something in my own circle. There’s a man I know..      let’s just call him “the narcissist in the room.” We are three people in this friendship. With me, he behaves one way. With my other friend, completely different. With me, I never cross the line. I keep my boundaries firm. And with me, he is always trying to be nice, explain things, come back into the conversation, and stay in my good books. But with my other friend, who seems more emotionally involved, I see a completely different side. He shows his manipulative traits — controlling, criticizing, and pulling her down. At first, it looked confusing. But then I realized: this is exactly how narcissistic dynamics work.