Why Some People Never Open Up (Even When You Try Everything)

 

The Frustration You Know Too Well

You explain.
You guide.
You even repeat yourself.

But some people — your parent, your child, even your friends, colleagues keep acting like they already know everything.
They don’t open up.
They don’t let you in.

And you’re left wondering: “Why don’t they get it?”

The Real Reason



It’s not that they don’t hear you.
It’s that their nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough to soften.

Here’s what’s really happening:

  1. Defensiveness as Armor
    Saying “I know” is easier than saying “I’m scared” or “I don’t understand.” It’s a shield against vulnerability.

  2. Fear of Exposure
    If they admit they don’t know, they feel weak, judged, or dependent. For many, that feels unbearable.

  3. Testing the Space
    Clients especially don’t open up right away. They’re silently asking: “Can I trust this person? Will they hold me without judging?”

What Not to Do

The mistake we all make is trying to argue with their wall.
We push harder.
We explain more.
We try to “make them see.”

That only feeds the resistance.

The Shift: How to Handle “I Know Everything”

1. Stop Arguing With the Wall

Don’t waste your energy proving them wrong.
Say instead:
“I hear you. Let’s leave it there for now.”

2. Mirror, Don’t Correct

Reflect their words neutrally so they feel acknowledged, not attacked.
Example:
Them: “I already know this.”
You: “So you feel you’ve got this figured out.”

3. Let Silence Do the Work

With clients — don’t rush to fill every gap. Silence creates space. Space creates safety. And safety invites truth.

4. Redefine Success

Your job isn’t to crack them open.
It’s to hold steady space.
If they’re ready, they’ll step into it.
If not, you stay grounded anyway.

Closing Insight

People who act like they “know everything” are often the ones who feel the least safe admitting they don’t.

When you stop fighting their defense, it stops working.
And that’s when real connection begins.


Dr Dhivya Pratheepa
Somatic Trauma Informed Abuse Recovery Coach

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