Good Intentions Don’t Erase Real Hurt

 Have you ever told someone,

“That really hurt me”,


and they get back with

“But I didn’t do it on purpose”?


Yeah?
That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Let me say it straight:
Intent does not erase impact.

You can love someone and still hurt them.
You can mean well and still leave scars.


✍🏽 Real Stories. Real Hurt.

🔹 Scenario 1: The Friend Who Felt Left Out



Three friends. Two always talking among themselves.
The third? Quietly felt excluded over and over again.
She finally voiced it:

“I know you didn’t mean to but it hurts when I feel left out.”

Instead of acknowledging her, the friend rushed to defend herself:

“I didn’t do anything wrong. She’s being too sensitive.”
Then came the WhatsApp group exit. Silence. Drama.

🔹 Scenario 2: The Hidden Appreciation



At work, one colleague appreciated everyone publicly, with sweets and thanks.
Except for one person.
She was pulled aside quietly:

“This is for you, but I can’t show it in front of others. People might think I’m biased.”

She said:

“I understand, but it made me feel small. I didn’t feel seen.”

The reply?

“You’re overthinking. My intention was good. Why can’t you see that?”

🔹 Scenario 3: The Public Shouting



A husband walks into a party, already irritable after traffic and a parking lot fight.
His wife lightly touches him, he spills juice and explodes:

“Do you even have brains?!”

Later, she said:

“I get that you were frustrated. But yelling in public hurt me.”

He dismissed it:

“It wasn’t about you. You’re being too sensitive.”


🌱 What Emotional Maturity Sounds Like

When someone says,

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose… but it still hurt me.” 


The response should be:

✅ “I hear you.”

Not: “You’re overreacting.”
But: “Thank you for telling me. I didn’t know it hurt that way.”

✅ “I didn’t intend to hurt you, but I see that I did.”

Not: “But my intention was good.”
But: “I’ll be more mindful next time.”

✅ “Your pain matters, even if I didn’t mean to cause it.”

Not: “You should understand me.”
But: “I want to understand you better.”

That’s how relationships repair and grow.
Not through defence. But through ownership.



💡 Here’s the truth:

Intent does not cancel out impact.

You don’t have to be a bad person to hurt someone.
But when you refuse to acknowledge the hurt, because you didn’t feel wrong—
You become emotionally unsafe.



Dr Dhivya Pratheepa 
Somatic trauma-informed abuse recovery coach.

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