Notes from a Trauma Whisperer

If he can’t handle emotional closeness… If he just wants multiple flings… You might think — Why marry at all? Why not just stay single and play around? Why get married and suffer? Good question. It’s because narcissists don’t marry for love. They don’t marry for intimacy. They marry for control. They marry for guaranteed supply. See, flings are fun — but they can walk away. A wife? She’s socially locked in.

 If he’s not giving you sex or intimacy… You might wonder — does he not have needs? Of course he does. The narcissist is still a human being. Biologically, he has needs. But with narcissists, sex isn’t about connection. It’s not about closeness. It’s not about love. It’s about control. It’s about ego. It’s about supply. It’s about power. Inside the relationship, withholding sex becomes their weapon. The silent message? Look how desperate you are. I control when and how you get anything.

  Why doesn’t my husband want me?" — the silent question thousands of women are googling at 2AM One of my clients sat across from me, whispering through tears, “Why does he avoid me? Is it me?” What she was describing is something many women experience but almost no one talks about. Let’s talk about it. No. Sex is not just about physical release for men. That’s a huge myth. Yes — men do feel the biological urge. Yes — sometimes it feels urgent. That’s normal. But here’s what most people miss. Men also crave emotional connection. They want to feel desired. They want to feel wanted. They want to feel powerful. It’s not “men are physical, women are emotional.” That’s incomplete. Both need both.