When Setting a Boundary Feels Awkward

 When Setting a Boundary Feels Awkward

But You Did Nothing Wrong

You set a boundary in a shared space—maybe a business forum, an office setting, or even in a relationship.

You did it calmly.
Respectfully. 
No drama. Just truth.

But the other person didn’t take it well.

They pulled away. Got passive-aggressive. Gave you “the cold shoulder.” 

And now… you both exist in the same space.

The air?
It’s awkward.
They’re not talking. You’re not talking.
You feel it in your body before your brain catches up.

Because you’re emotionally aware.
Because you care about the energy in the room.
Because silence can feel heavier than shouting.

Then the thoughts creep in:

“Did I do something wrong?”
“Am I the one creating this tension?”
“Should I have just avoided saying no?”

🎯 This is the guilt of the boundary-setter.

Let’s break it down—and de-fuse that guilt.

Why It Hurts More in Professional Settings

  • Social Pressure: Groups often prioritize “harmony” over honesty. You become the “difficult” one just for speaking up.

  • Gaslighting Lite™: People imply you created the discomfort by not “letting it go.”

  • Power Plays: The silent treatment is a form of manipulation—a tactic to make you retreat or regret.

How to Handle It (Without Self-Betrayal)

1. Name the Game—to Yourself

This isn’t about my ‘no.’ It’s about their inability to respect it. 

Silence isn't a consequence. It's a control tactic.

2. Stay Neutral, Not Needy

  • Do: Keep things polite, brief, professional.

  • Don’t: Chase reassurance or apologize for existing.

Example:

  • Weakens you:
    “Hey… I feel like things are weird between us?”

  • Strengthens you:
    “Good morning. Let me know if you need the project files.”
    (Translation: I’m not playing this game.)

3. Let the Awkwardness Be Theirs

If they’re avoiding you, let them.
Don’t carry the discomfort they created. Hold your ground.

And trust—others will notice who’s really making things tense.

4. Find Your Quiet Allies

Connect with people who get it, those who respect boundaries without flinching.
Their support will remind you: You’re not the problem.

5. Reframe the Story

If people would rather gossip than talk to me, that says more about them than it ever will about me.

This isn’t about being liked.
It’s about being real.

When to Escalate (In Work Settings)

If the silence starts affecting your job performance:

  • Keep records.

  • Stay factual.

  • Loop in HR or a neutral third party.

Example:

I’ve noticed [X] hasn’t responded to emails since our disagreement on [date]. Could we mediate this to ensure workflow isn’t impacted?

Professional. Firm. Bulletproof.

💡 Closing Thought

The cost of fitting in is always higher than the cost of being excluded.

A workplace—or a relationship—that punishes boundaries isn’t a healthy one.

But until you can walk away? Outlast the awkwardness. It’s not your burden to fix.

The right people will respect you for it.

Dr Dhivya Pratheepa 

Somatic trauma infomred abuse recovery coach 

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