Why we create stories when we are triggered

We are all natural storytellers. 

We make sense of the world by creating stories.

For example, if we see a banana peel lying on the floor, we immediately create a story. Someone has left it there. I have to pick it up and throw it away, otherwise it will smell. Like this, we are constantly making stories and making meaning of what is happening around us.

But these stories are also influenced by the state of our nervous system.

Let us take one example.

You had a fight with your boyfriend or partner. He says, “I do not want to talk to you anymore.” After that, he is not calling you. He is not responding to your messages.

Now, if your nervous system is stable, the story you are likely to create is this:
Yes, we had a fight.
He is angry.
I am also angry.
Let us talk about it later.
We can sort it out later.

This is the story you create when the system is stable.

But if your nervous system is dysregulated, that same situation can trigger old wounds. It could be because of childhood experiences, past relationship experiences, or earlier emotional pain. Then when he says, “I do not want to talk to you anymore,” your system may not experience it as just a fight. It can experience it as danger.

Now the story becomes very different.

Oh my God, he is ignoring me.
He has abandoned me.
Something bad is going to happen.
I need to do something right now.

When the story becomes like this, the behavior also changes.

I will call him 50 times.
I will message him 100 times.
I will cry.
I will overexplain.
I will try to make him understand.
I will do something somehow to get him back or make him respond.

So the event may be the same, but the story changes depending on the state of the nervous system.

When the nervous system is in sympathetic activation, it sees that event as danger. And when it sees danger, it creates stories and pushes you to do something in order to protect you.

If a sabretooth tiger is chasing you, the system will not sit and think, if I run, can I outrun it, will running save my life. No. It just makes you run.

The same thing happens here also.

Calling him 50 times is not going to solve the problem.
Explaining again and again is not going to solve the problem.
But the system settles down a little because it feels like you have done something.

Then the question is, how do we stop ourselves from getting pulled into these stories?

The first step is to understand the story.

When something like this happens, sit down and write.

What is happening in my body right now?

Is my heart racing?
Is my stomach tight?
Is my chest heavy?
What physical symptoms am I noticing?

Then write what your mind is saying.

He is abandoning me.
Something bad is going to happen.
Nobody cares about me.
Everybody ignores me.

Then write what actions you want to take.

Call him 100 times, Message 500 times, Explain it to him 1000 times 

Then go one step deeper and complete prompts like these:

I am..
Maybe angry, anxious, irritated, scared.

The people are....
Everybody is ignoring me.
Nobody values me.

The world is...
Dangerous.
Unpredictable.
Unsafe.

When you keep writing your stories like this, you will start seeing your pattern.

You will understand how your brain is trying to protect you.

And when you keep noticing and writing, over time the stories will start changing. That is what helps you change the meaning you are giving to neutral events or manageable events that are happening in the present.

That is the shift.