Why Some People Never Open Up (Even When You Try Everything)

The Frustration You Know Too Well You explain. You guide. You even repeat yourself. But some people — your parent, your child, even your friends, colleagues keep acting like they already know everything. They don’t open up. They don’t let you in. And you’re left wondering: “Why don’t they get it?” The Real Reason It’s not that they don’t hear you. It’s that their nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough to soften. Here’s what’s really happening: Defensiveness as Armor Saying “I know” is easier than saying “I’m scared” or “I don’t understand.” It’s a shield against vulnerability. Fear of Exposure If they admit they don’t know, they feel weak, judged, or dependent. For many, that feels unbearable. Testing the Space Clients especially don’t open up right away. They’re silently asking: “Can I trust this person? Will they hold me without judging?” What Not to Do The mistake we all make is trying to argue with their wall. We push harder. We explain...