Notes from a Trauma Whisperer

Years since he cheated. Years since the false promises. Years since he disappeared without giving her a single answer. When she’s at work? No problem, her mind is busy. But the moment she’s free… Walking from the second floor to the third… Washing dishes… Waiting for coffee… He’s there. Not in person. In her head. She replays the betrayal. She questions   Why did he do this? What did I miss? Sometimes she even imagines the future  He comes back, says all the right things, And she finally rejects him. It feels satisfying for a second. But it’s not real. Why This Happens Your brain hates loose ends. When a relationship ends without closure, your mind treats it like an unfinished puzzle . And here’s the catch  It’s not just about him anymore. Your nervous system got hooked on the emotional spike he created: Anger. Betrayal. Longing. Strong, intense emotions. Now, every time you’re not fully focused, your brain searches for that spike again. Not because yo...

  ❌ Self-Respect Is Not Where Healing Begins The 3 Self-Qualities That Actually Save Victims from Repeating Toxic Cycles “Have some self-respect and leave.” That’s what people love to tell victims of abuse. As if self-respect is some magical switch you can flip after being gaslit, manipulated, or broken down for years. But here’s the hard truth most people don’t understand: 👉 Self-respect is not the starting point of recovery. It’s the result of much deeper healing work. You can’t set boundaries when you don’t trust yourself. You won’t walk away if you still believe pain is your price for love. You won’t even see the abuse clearly if you’ve spent years explaining it away. 🚫 Why Just Focusing on Self-Respect Doesn’t Work A lot of survivors say, “I know I should walk away.” “I know I deserve better.” “I’ve read all the quotes on boundaries and red flags.” But still — they go back. Or they freeze. Or they stay stuck in that same loop. Why? Because they’re tryin...

 Have you ever told someone, “That really hurt me” , and they get back with “But I didn’t do it on purpose”? Yeah? That doesn’t make it hurt any less. Let me say it straight: Intent does not erase impact. You can love someone and still hurt them. You can mean well and still leave scars. ✍🏽 Real Stories. Real Hurt. 🔹 Scenario 1: The Friend Who Felt Left Out Three friends. Two always talking among themselves. The third? Quietly felt excluded over and over again. She finally voiced it: “I know you didn’t mean to but it hurts when I feel left out.” Instead of acknowledging her, the friend rushed to defend herself: “I didn’t do anything wrong. She’s being too sensitive.” Then came the WhatsApp group exit. Silence. Drama. 🔹 Scenario 2: The Hidden Appreciation At work, one colleague appreciated everyone publicly, with sweets and thanks. Except for one person. She was pulled aside quietly: “This is for you, but I can’t show it in front of others. People might think I’m...