Notes from a Trauma Whisperer

  How to Trust Yourself After Abuse One of the hardest parts of healing after abuse is not trusting anyone — including yourself. You start second-guessing every decision. You overthink every word. You fear your intuition because it once led you to danger. But here’s the truth — your intuition didn’t fail you. Your safety was overridden by survival. 1. Why You Stopped Trusting Yourself Abuse trains you to question your own perception. You get blamed for things you didn’t do, told that what you saw or heard didn’t happen, and forced to apologize for existing. This constant gaslighting rewires your nervous system. Your body starts asking, “Can I trust what I feel?” Your mind starts answering, “No. It’s safer to doubt.” 2. Signs You’ve Lost Self-Trust You ask everyone else for advice before making a decision. You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you were “too much.” You panic when someone disagrees with you. You apologize even when you did noth...

  When is the right time to date after an abusive relationship You do not have to be perfectly healed to date. You do need to be safe, self trusting, and boundaried. Healing is not a finish line. It is a foundation you stand on while you choose. Here is a clear, gentle way to decide if you are ready to move from meeting to investing. The readiness check Score each item from zero to five. Aim for mostly fours and fives before you deepen with someone. I can sleep, eat, and work without constant rumination about my ex. I can name my boundaries and hold them without panic. I can notice body cues and bring myself back to calm within a reasonable time. I am not trying to prove my worth through a partner. I have at least two people I can call for reality checks. I know my non negotiables and my nice to haves. I can offer myself compassion when I make mistakes. If a few items are at twos or below, keep building your base. You are not failing. You are practicing ...

 If you love someone who has survived narcissistic abuse, this is how you actually help.  Support is not fixing.  Support is creating safety so their nervous system can breathe again. 1. Be the calm after their storm When they open up, do not interrogate. Sit with them. Breathe with them. Offer water. Let the silence be medicine. Say this I am here. You are safe with me. We can sit quietly. Avoid this What exactly happened Tell me everything Why did you stay Why it works After abuse, the body sits in constant alert. Calm presence tells the brain that the danger is not here now.